on defying the terror and just sharing my songs already

there are parts of my childhood that are still completely me. not only me, but very very important to me. when i was little i would gather my friends together and put on plays. instead of playing on the playground i would climb on top of it. when i found a book i liked i would read it over and over and read everything about it over and over. i would sing songs and write songs and perform them for my friends.

well pretty much everything about that still applies to me except that i climb rocks instead of playgrounds. and, until very recently, i would write songs and not share them with anyone.

i was proud of the songs i wrote, songs that evolved over time, and i would sing them to myself and they would make me happy. it took years before i finally gave in and played one of my songs for my songwriting client (i am her agent) and amazing friend tori, who encouraged me to share them with more people. i didn’t take her advice for another couple of years.

after spending a month or so at home playing more guitar than ever i returned to uni and missed it. perhaps it was this deprivation that made me realize how important to me songwriting and performing really is. i finally got a hold of a guitar (thanks eternally, rory), and played a few of my songs for my friends.

i should clarify here that i did post some songs on youtube a couple of years ago. but they were silly, and while i was proud of them and their wittiness, i was still shying away from sharing anything remotely personal.

i grouped four of my songs together and called it this:

and the songs are these:

and i even posted my first actual single here:

i almost backed out a couple of times. things like

PEOPLE WON’T LIKE IT

PEOPLE WILL GUESS WHO THE SONGS ARE ABOUT

AND THEY’LL BE RIGHT

OR THEY’LL BE WRONG AND THINK THEY’RE RIGHT

I’M NOT ACTUALLY THAT GOOD AT GUITAR

MY LYRICS ARE WHINEY

THEY’RE ALL ABOUT LOVE AND THAT’S KINDA SAPPY

most of the insecurities had to do with other people’s reactions. and in the end, people’s reactions don’t matter that much because they’re my songs and i like them and they make me happy. but maybe they will make other people happy too. they can – but only if i share them.

and as for the content, i went all out and called it tales of unrequited ♥. so that’s what you should expect when you listen to it. the songs were written and rewritten over years to the extent that they aren’t really about anybody. they are about experiences and maybe about your experiences too – that’s why we write songs and share, or at least that’s why i decided i should.

so thank you for listening, if you have, or thanks for reading, which you are. thank you especially to my friends who encourage me to write and perform. this has been sorta a serious important-stuff post, so just to prove that i’m still silly, here’s an exclusive outtakes video just for you. it’s not going public on youtube for another week or so, but i thought i’d share it here first :)

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